Don't make out with my wife yet
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
