the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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