We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
