ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
