dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
