last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
