Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
