that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
