The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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