i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
