for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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