ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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