Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
