3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No more Irish car bombs ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
