Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My hand turned me down
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
