I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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