just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
