Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
