i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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