Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
