..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's paint friendship bongs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
