do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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