I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
