if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Damn victory sex feels great
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
