he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
