we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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