Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
