Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
as a side note pls kill me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
