He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
