Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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