Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize