i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
