I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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