JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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