I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
