ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
