and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
