Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My penis needs a shock collar
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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