dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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