YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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