Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
