It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
