i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
