I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
