Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
