i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
