holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
