just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
