Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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