I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
