please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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