Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
