just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
