I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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