I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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