oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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