and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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