My liver just broke up with me...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
