I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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