A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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